i dont mind killing em...

i got up in the evening from my sleep and i was happy that the four dread terrorists were killed... i was happy for Naseerudding shah and his well executed plan. wait wait...i came into my senses and checked where i was and realised i was comforting myself on my bed. shit..i rushed into my hall and switched on the tv and found the terrorists still with the hostages..huh...i wish i killed everyone. i dont mind being imprisioned for killing such cockroaches and pests. it is not crime. what ya say..

i remember one of our professors saying this, which i feel is cent percent true.. "yeh pakistani log kya sochte hai apne apke baare me...agar saare Indians ek saath ek bucket paani leke unpe fekenge..to unka poora desh doob jayenge...yeh hamari kamzori nahi ki hum unhe kuch nahi kar rahe hai..yeh hamari achchayi hai" so true it is...

well the news is still on, its been 40+ hours and still 2-3 bastard are creating nuisance. i wish and i pray for their death. it seems everything is so easy for them..look at their arrival..they came on boats, got down at mumbai, took rest for some time..must have had chai samosa and then back to action...i dont want to comment on anyone or the system here as we are already doing our best.

i hope every such bastard dies out of some dreadful disease or get killed...i dont mind doing that...if i need to save my nation...

may we get peace soon..

being alone....

it is 12.30 am now. i just came homeafter watching the much hyped movie dostana. i have been longing to watch this movie since i saw its promos. reason could be john or abhishek or Karan Johar's style...i like everything. this movie has certinly created riffles in my personal life..there were rifts, misunderstandings, explanations and everything..well..let me come to the point...

i was all alone in the evening and thought of going out with my roomy. thanks to the thanks giving day..she has a holiday today..well i dont really get to see her even on diwali or durgapuja..but i can meet and talk to her on special days like halloween's day or thanks giving day..thanks to US jobs...she asked me if i were ok with the idea of going to a pub..well..i was ok..but after watching Tv and the terrorist attack, somehow i was out of mood...so i gave up the idea of wearing those jittery clothes and hitting the dance floor...i was neither ok at home after spending almost 6 days inside 4 walls..i pulled out the newspaper and checked for dostana and rushed to the theater all alone..took the ticket..and was inside the hall..i was sandwiched between 2 families and enjoyed the movie...

i would say i was alone, single, hasle free in the theater. i was wondering if i could find anyone else like me..hahhaa...no one...all of them are either families/ couples or group of friends..whoa..i patted my shoulders..and felt proud...i came out of the theater and it was 12.15am...sharp midnight yet i wanted to drive back..i took out my scooty, and enjoyed the drizzle all along my drive and i was back home...

i was gloomy in the evening that i had none to go out with.. i am not ok with the idea of going out with anyone..let it be my close friends..i dont really feel comfy....so in the elimination process of choosing one close friend of mine with whom i can really hangout, i am left with myself...i realise i am my best friend and i love myself...i am my company and i am my soul...

i might sound as a narciccist...but i dont really care as- being a single, individual, beautiful, bold, pretty- woman- is itself a pride and i have everything of it...

I am SWATS.....

to my girl friends

my blog is surely my best friend which bears me as I am. ...i love this space of mine. well..i realised who my true friends are..i am blessed to have my gang as my support always...but before i say anything i would like to say that am one of those highly egoistic individuals with loads of attitude that can push you back even before you try to approach me...sustaining me is highly difficult and i believe only few could do it...yet..am very kind hearted and soft ....am like that neatly written peom where you can read me well but certainly fail to understand....no one understood me till date except a few...here they are...

abhi- beautiful, snobbish, egoistic virgo female who would push you aside with her eyes is my sweetheart friend with whom i startd relating myself in my teenage. we went through the dirty books of medical exams and were pretty sure that we would never make to medical seats and we did it...she became an HR and myself environmentalist...its been 10 years since we have been together and i find her as my mirror image who is everything that I am just that she is even more beautiful..from car driving to swimming, we share everything and enjoy gossiping and bitching.....abhi has been a wonderful part of my life and i adore for what she is...

arps- my pg classes were too boring and i never realised that i was alone in the crowd..i could see pairs or groups of my classmates and i was a standout...huh..this happens to me everytime...suddenly, this short popcorn girl bumped onto me one fine day and we discovered we are kvites...we started sharing all the worldly things..and then came my bike -arps, me and my bike...we spent two golden years together and we are still together..no matter what...even if i wear torn out clothes arps finds a way to appreciate me and makes me feel good...she made me realise that i can never be sad in my life which is so true...whenever i am low i remember arps...and instantly all the glow in my face returns...this short bubbly basket ball type girl who prefers 3 inches heels is my fav buddy who is obviously a substitute for glucose.

aru- my class in mphil was full of brains whom i coudnot stand at all.. . this tall -model- material in our class who had the so-called oomph was also a member of literature club. we were one of those few single women who dint have an-on campus boyfriend...yeah i mean it.. (ofcourse i still dont have one)..hence the scarcity of boyfriends made us stay together and we used to hangout together...she became my emotional pillar....i used to be the clown when we were together...our drives on yamaha bikes borrowed from mba guys were unforgettable..i still remember our drive on yamaha rxz bike chasing the bhopali traffic to our professor's house to submit the thesis....whooaa..we must have broken the records for sure...while aru was the fire brand in our campus, i was the soft sponge..i learnt to say saala...after 25 years and thanks to her who taught me many more of the kind...but yet we made it till the end and we are still the best buddies...i say i possess aru in my life....

trayee-- i recall her as the girl with only one ear..yeah her another ear was always covered by her extra large reliance handset...i moved into her room after some ok and not oks....and then life has been a celebration..everyday and every moment on campus was ours...i learnt to be patient as she is a true piscean who never even washed her clothes. i did that job for her many times as i wanted the room to be extra neat and tidy (virgo me..huh)...she was like that large sea who can take any damn thing in this world..i cried, laughed, joked, taught her, woke her up at wee hours for her..and she always made me feel secure...she assured she's been there with me...we are still together...she made me taste vodka..she showed me what life exactly is...if people call me bold then i say my boldness is born through her...she is my spinal cord and the very reason for my happiness..she was/is/will be there and i know we are always together..

anandi- somewhere in different part of the world...never met her...yet she is a base for my trust in humans...she is another replica of mine..i wonder if we share the same genes and by chance if our DNA material is same...lol...she is undoubtedly an emoitional support for me..i am proud that i know her..

and then deepa...radha..maha...who have always been with me...

finally on this thanks giving day...i would like to thank....naa... express my gratitude to all these beautiful women of my life...am proud to have them as my girlfriends..

love ya all..

those 85 hours...

i closed the door behind me and came inside...left my sandals near the front door and took the steps down to the hall. it was 5pm and my buddy/roommate was leaving for good. she has plans to settle in bangalore..ehh??? alright....i went inside my room and was feeling nauseatic. so lay flat on bed and my mind was smothered with many thoughts.....it was weekend..and i was in my closed room sitting silently..huh..it never happened...it was saturday when i used to scream on my editor to finish the programme...it wasnot happening...it was the evening of the most waited day of the week...when me and my roomies always hangout..it wasn't happening...it was different....i was sitting and staring at the roof...thinking of nothing ..yet i knew my mind had some zillion thoughts screwing it up...it was almost 7pm and time to say good bye to my roomy...tears were scrolling down...and after dramatic farewell..she left and i was inside my room again..all alone...then i realised...my friends??-i am not in touch with them...my work??- i left my job and i am jobless!!! my roomies??they are no more with me..i wanted to cry but i didnot..i wanted to go out..but i didnot...i wanted to watch movie..but i couldnot..i did nothing...and today morning i realised i have spent almost 85hours inside a room...i dint see the daylight..i dint step outside the door...i dint meet people...i havenot socialised...huh...i certainly broke the record of my life...i dont know how i spent 3.5 days inside a house..may be read books..talked to friends on phone and online and slept...these few hours of my life are surely memorable and i believe..everyone experiences such hours once in life time...did you??

shirdi trip- another lesson

we were back in the railway station waiting for our beloved train to come and pick us..huh...me, mom and grany had hot pakodas and were involved in a candid conversation...we could hear someone singing devotional songs on the platform...and thought it must be a group of pilgrims who are still in the hangover of darshan...it was clearly audible and sweet to hear....i took out my book and resumed reading it while the elder ladies were chitchatting something which i wasnt bothered about...this little girl from no where appeared infront of us...she was cute...very sweet..beautiful -i must say...but in torn and soiled clothes..with a glass in her hand..she was begging and i couldnt say anything else..she was hopping from one to another and was actively walking around the hall..and suddenly dissapeared...we heard the announcement and came on to the platform...and stood near a bench resting our luggage...

there was this woman sitting on the platform and seeking alms...she was blind..she was singing the same devotional songs which we heard a lil while ago...then i understood..it was her not any group..she was so melodious...i felt for her and tears rolled out of my eyes..and suddenly this little cute girl popped up and sat next to this blind woman..she is her daughter!!!

the mother stopped singing...pampered the kid for sometime...drank some water brought by her kid...touched her softly on her hair...pulled her into her lap..and opened some packet and started feeding the child...she was blind but not her love....i was stunned by the scene and by the time i came into senses..my mom and grany were gone searching for the coach and i had to pull myself through the crowds and rush into the compartment...

shirdi trip- another lesson---another small yet effective moment...love forever...

shirdi trip- IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

yes...it happens only in india...check how..
1) we started for the temple and i insisted on having breakfast before going for darshan as it would take long time...my grany was pissed off by my idea but dint resist as she herself is diabetic and needs some instant energy every minute..we chose one SHER _E_ PUNJAB hotel and ordered for some light breakfast and a cup of cofe...and the bill reminded us that the small glass (not even cup) of cofe is Rs 15..we asked why?? the answer was.."bhai yeh tourist place hai..aise hi hota hai.." - IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

2) We approached the darshan dwar and read the board saying no cell phones..no cameras and no handbags..my mom was worried as we need to leave our handbags..i gave her a chillpill and told her that they wont stop us...but before that we wanted to leave our shoes...there was this "free shooos stand" but we dint go ..and left our shoes on the outside of the entry line just like every other devotee...in the open ground and entered the queue very much with our handbags- IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

3) the darshan took more than 1.30 hr and in between, we had to stand in the queue for the NOON AARTI...all the devotees started reciting aarti and i could feel the vibes inside my body...some with closed eyes, some with clapping hands...some murmuring...some singing along...i felt i missed all these amidst my parties..nevertheless...i am there..i was more than happy for the visit and to see my people enjoying every moment in the crowd- IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

4) we came out of the queue with some dhakkam dhakki as usual and were searching for some place to have our lunch...luckily, we were approached by chairty people and offered lunch at free of cost- IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

5) we were all set to go back to our room ... hence went to collect our shoes from where we left them...surprise..suprise...i lost my new floaters- huh- IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

shirdi trip- nostalgia

its been long long long since we visited shirdi...may be more than 2 decades....shirdi trip always gave me fond memories...guess what...when i was kid, i was lost in railway station while on our way back home from shirid...huh...railway authorities caught hold of me crying on the platform...gave a loud announcement and i met my parents in a dramatical way...i still remember the incident...i was some 6 yrs kid and we all went in a group of 3-4 families...i got lost...was rediscovered...anyway...thats past..now let me reveal some really nice pages from my shirdi trip which lasted for just few hours to be precise....keep reading...

bday of my blog..

guess what????????? its been 2 years..yeah...TWO SOLID YEARS since i started blogging...na na...i started blogging even before that..but swatsblog is 2 yrs old now..

87 published posts and 5-6 yet to be published posts....the journey has been soft, lovable, affectionate and everything..i always had a pleasent experience blogging as I am quite open for ideas, views, thoughts, opinions and criticism. Hence, my journey has been a pave of roses and I enjoyed every bit of it.

i posted my experiences, incidents, vented out my feelings, frustrations, showered my love and shared my shoulder...expressed my thoughts and penned whatever i felt like..

my readers have always been an inspiration for me...they showed me so much affection that i became very good friends with some...had fights with some...motivated some...got inspired and yeah..i would say more than 10 people have also started blogging..whoa..what else would i ask for???

my blog has been my best friend since then...whenever i wanted a ventillator..my blog served the purpose...

i am very happy today....and i owe this happiness to all of you who have been with me...

love you all....

happy birthday swatsblog...

life in 7 seconds...

life in 7 seconds

7th second- this pigeon flew from no where and started screaming

6- the security gaurd lifted it and

5- opened its beak and

4- blew some air

3- blew air again

2- pigeon winked

1- its not moving anymore

0- the life just left it...................

today, i witnessed a life vanishing in seconds..may be this is called death...i saw it for the first time in my life...

i saw it suffering....i could hear it screaming for help...i could sense its struggle to still be alive...i saw it moving its legs for the last time...i saw it flipping its wings for the last time...i saw it winking its eyes for the last time....i saw it taking deep breathe for the last time...i saw it moving its neck and finally hanging it forever...

it taught me that life is just a flash of light...the moment we see it...we are no more...

it taught me that life is unpredictable..the moment we are about to lose it..we are done...

it taught me to live the present...this moment will never again come...

may its soul rest in peace...

i cant type anymore..my eyes are misty....

i won lottery

yeah..u read it right..finally after a loooooooooooong wait....i won lottery...let me be nostalgic for sometime..i still remember those kiosks..where lottery tickets were sold...those colourful tiny tickets have always mesmerised me. i used to wonder if i can buy one. once i asked my dad if he could lend me Re 1/- ...when he asked me the reason obviously he got bounced over my interest and literally threatened me to beat to hell if i do so...i never knew he would be so angry..ofcourse he has every reason to be..coz...none from his family might have ever thought of buying a lottery ticket...and i bumped out as a surprise..rather a shock for his life time..."hai ram meri beti...lottery ticket khareedna chahcti hai..woh bhi 8 years ke umr me." 'i never dared to buy one afer that but had huge discussions with my buddies on what i would do if i get luck with a lottery..i never even got a single penny or small gift through scratch cards....each time the scratch card shouts.."better luck next time"..i can visualise the sarcastic smile that the empty scratch cards throw at me..uff..no issues....

i used to play the lucky balls game in melas (exhibitions) where we need to buy 5 plastic balls for Rs 10 and throw them in the rows..the count gives us the gift...the gifts range from a small plastic frame to colour TV..wow..colour Tv at Rs 10. i bet its something beyond temptation...i played it some n number of times...and i managed to win tooth brush, a comb , detergent cake and some other -not-so-useful stuff and convinced my dad that each of them would worth Rs 10 atleast..(just saving my head..) lol

hence i grew without expecting any lottery yet had some hopes of it...after the internet boom, i opened my email account...and then one fine day received a mail from some one unknown saying that she wants to give me some money...i was like..what? why would she ever want to deposit some millions in my account. then she mentioned that she is a lawyer of some big- filthy-rich family, the head died some mysterious death and now they want to secure that money and for that they need an acocunt..luckily (????) she found my email id through internet and now she wants my account number,,,whoa,,,this is something called luck...where -out of billions of people, my email id is chosen and i would be getting money..that too at the cost of none...i didnot reply to that email thinking that i should be a bit cautious before giving out my details (thank goodness..my brain worked for a while) ....next day, i opened my mail id, and replied to the person saying that that i am interested in taking the money and let me know the procedure for the same...within no time, i received a response saying that all i need to do is just fill the form and send it back them. the form has the details of my passport and some other stuff..i..i downloaded the form and before sending it back..i asked them if i could know how legitimate they are..thats it...no correspondence aftermath...yoho..i succeeded in fishing them out yet i failed....i knew it was all fake.but just wanted to give them a punch...but i felt sorry for myself as i couldnot win lottery again...huh..sad sad.....

and its been 6 months since i have been receiving "your email won lottery" messages from, netherlands, switzerland, microsoft, and what not...huh...andrecently everything crossed limits- i received a mail from none other UNITED NATIONS...hmm..now this is it...the mail provoked me to write another blog and my luck in winning a lottery....i know i would never win...

i am one of those...who has to take all the steps to achieve something...no shortcuts for me....yet i love it as at the end of the day..all the happiness is with me (except winning the lottery) lol :)