Interviews and layers

I was a very confident kid. I never had any ounce of doubt on my self-worth. But I also knew and was well aware, that, there will always be people who can defeat me in everything. I never felt low or incompetent at any point. 

However, life is not always the same. My education and career in India were very different. I was probably one of the many few choices any organization would have, and I was never turned away from any employment. In a way, I had a choice to pick and choose my employer and I had the final say. 

But life in USA is nothing like I expected. I am one of the many 1000s that is competing for a position. I had to prove time and again that I am worth it. But I failed all the time! I doubted if it was my age or ethnicity or educational background or something else that I am unable to see. Is my resume so bad? Did I not put enough colors? Did I not convey enough? Am I not suitable for the position? Do they even know I exist? Did they even read my resume? 

I would apply for 100s of jobs every week and by the weekend, I would be frustrated and exhausted. My health was not supporting me well enough to be emotionally and physically stable. Every week, it was a battle with potential employers.  I would give 2-3 interviews per week and wait for 2-3 weeks to hear from them. Each email would give me bad news on how they found a better person than me and how I was good enough but not just the best enough! I was crushed and felt defeated every single week. 

Sometimes, I knew along the interview that I was not getting picked. The interviewers would ask me questions that would not make any sense. But I still sat through them because it is my job and I never know! I would cry after the interviews and of course move on. 

One interview that pushed me into oblivion was where I received a call from a potential employer asking about my availability for a Graduate assistant position. It was a part time position where I am expected to do some administration and office work such as making copies, filing and other simple tasks. I was ok with it, because anything that can pay my bills would work. I was interviewed by two people for almost 30-45 minutes. I was very confident that I would be chosen because the job required just making copies! Who wouldn't be able do that? Alas, I received an email telling me how they found a better candidate than me and that I was not right fit for the position. This email through me into the darkest hole. 

From having zero doubts on my ability to doubting my simplest ability to even making copies and filing papers...I was skeptical about my intelligence, talent and just everything about me. I cried the whole weekend and swore to myself that I would never work again. I took a break from applying to the jobs for a fortnight. I was scared of opening job portals as I did not want to hear that I was not competent enough. 

But bills are coming, and my sadness won't suffice. So, I gathered up my courage and started reapplying. I would motivate myself and start afresh every week. I would pray and show confidence even while applying. My husband, friends and family always encouraged me and told me how something would come up eventually. I would talk to other people on how they managed situations like these and learn from them. This was a continuous process for me every single week! I would tell myself that- sometimes, it takes time for the right things to happen. But they will happen. 

The saga continued until I heard from one employer saying, "Congratulations". That was the breaking point. It is my current employer, and I am in the happiest place at the moment. I got 3 more offers after I said yes to my current employer.

I was right. Sometimes, it takes time. There will always be someone who would recognize our worth. We will find our happy place. We will find our worth. 

Through the process, we feel defeated, unwanted, thrown into the darkest hole and face criticism that we would not expect. But this is part of the churning process that has a bright light at the end. We need to be aware that we will find that place and people who would recognize our worth. 

Stay strong. Know you are unique, and you have a place. 

Back up and Life.

This is another ordeal which changed my life forever. 

Feb 2022- I developed severe disc herniation and was put on Steroids for a week and strong pain killers to help with the never-ending pain.  I continued taking pain killers to be able to function. I couldn't drive or do physical activities and had to convert my teaching classes to remote. 

April 2022- My pain from disc herniation was intense and it was beyond any pain killers. I lost sensation in my left leg and rushed to the emergency room. After an MRI, I was informed that, my disc at L5-S1 has a large (golf ball size) herniation and it needs to be surgically removed! After 2 days in the hospital. the doctor performed the surgery. 

Post surgery- I woke from the anesthesia. The doctor came to me and told me that, they removed the bulge, but "I had Cerebro spinal fluid leak during the procedure. They put glue on the leak, and it should heal in 3-5 days", which meant that, I cannot sit for the next 3-5 days. 

I was completely flat on the bed and was tilted to only 15 degrees while eating and brushing. It was a nightmare for me to lie flat and not being able to move to any side. After 4 days, I was allowed to sit slowly at a 45-degree angle on my bed. The moment they put my bed high, I had a terrible headache. It was intense and I never felt anything like that before. The doctors assured me that it should go away, and I would be fine! 

After 7 days, I was finally able to sit and stand with the help of a walker. But each time, I sat, I would have intense/ explosive headaches and severe stiffness in the neck. I was informed that I could go home, and I should be fine! I was discharged and was asked to come for a follow up a week after. 

My visit to home was nothing short of a nightmare. I could not sit at all, and I had intense headaches. Each time I sat, I could feel my brain sagging down and coming till my ears. I could not move or even stand as I had severe stiffness in my neck and spine. We called the doctor multiple times and each time we were informed that it will go away. After 3 days, I started leaking through my sutures in the back. Each time, I sat, a fluid passed through my sutures in the back and came out. It started increasing and

reached a point where the wetness on my back was visible to anyone. 

Day 14, we informed the doctor, and they asked me to come back for another MRI. I immediately rushed to the hospital. This time, I knew something was terribly wrong! 

The MRI revealed that there was a big hole in my cerebrospinal fluid lamina and the doctors decided to take me in for a surgery immediately. 

Day 15- I was taken in for dural repair surgery. A Plastic surgeon and 2 spinal surgeons worked on my back and patched the hole (which was the size of a quarter). They put an external drain from my back that would allow all the Cerebro spinal fluid to come out and keep the patch dry. I was shifted to ICU as the drain requires special caring. 

                                             

Day 16- I started developing severe headaches and electric shocks in my back with mild fever. I was not allowed to even lift my head. It was traumatic for me, and I was slowly losing all my hopes by this point. I started developing fevers and headaches and I was informed that I have low grade meningitis. This could be due to the drain because anything connected to our internal organs can carry infections. 

The trauma for the next 4 days was unimaginable. The pain and suffering were intense, and I couldn't take it beyond a point. I was given plethora of pain killers which never worked. 

During this time- the head doctor from the spinal surgeons group visited my room and his first sentence was, "Are you the one doing the drama?". I was beyond petrified by his words. The head doctor was rude and blamed me that I was doing the drama. I never understood how I can cause all these--- while suffering from immense pain and trauma and fighting to be alive! Not to forget, it had been almost 3 weeks by now since I spent any time with my kids! The conversations did not go well and the head nurse during that time helped me ease my pain by settling the dust. it is during times like these, we lose hopes on good doctors. 

I spent nearly 2 weeks in hospital and was discharged with a PICC line again to continue taking IV antibiotics at home. It was a very slow recovery process. I came back home to my kids and family. It took me a really long time to be able to walk without support and I still suffer and take pain killers. 

Brownie points- Since I was bedridden and had absolutely nothing to do physically- I decided to work my thesis. I would lay on my back, bend my knees and put my laptop on my stomach, and I typed my entire PhD thesis!!!!! Yes, I completed my thesis and defended PhD in October of 2022!  

Just a small blessing in disguise. 

PS: I still suffer from the immense back pain and severe headaches and occasional neck stiffness. I cannot do many physical activities and I have to plan everything including my daily chores. I am yet to travel long distances and spend one whole day outside without having to take pain killers. I developed severe insomnia because I get dreadful nightmares of being in hospital and being scolded by the doctors for no fault of my own! I wake up gasping for air and search for my kids next to me. I am counting each day and learning to live through the pain. 

Recovery from sepsis.

So, I am back after a long time and really want to document my journey of second pregnancy. This story is nothing short of a drama and here it is for you all...

Feb 13, 2020. It was a scheduled C Section and I could feel the Epidural injection going in, as my left leg started becoming numb and I warned the anesthesiologist about it. I was assured it was common and my surgery went well. My son was born, and I forgot every pain (of course I had epidural too). As my insurance allows me to stay for an extra day, I chose to stay back in the hospital and go home on day 5!

By Day 4, I started experiencing electric waves in my back and I had developed headaches. I informed the nurses, but they said it was all normal. 

Day 5 was the discharge day. My Blood Pressure was very high, and it was very abnormal for me as I always record 100/70 or lower. But the nurse told me that breastfeeding makes the BP rise and discharged me. I went home with headache and hypertension and largely an uneasy feeling. Over the next few days, I had stiff neck and persisting headaches with blurred vision. 

I called the gynaec and went for UTI  exam just to be careful. The gynaec informed me that my BP was high but I did not have any UTI. So, as a precaution, I called the anesthesiologist, and he immediately asked me to come back to the hospital. 

This was Day 13 after the delivery. So, I rushed to hospital with my husband. The triage people said, I had abnormally high BP and I needed to be admitted as I might be developing postpartum preeclampsia. My heart sank at that moment. I left my 13 days old son and 2.5-year-old daughter at home and here I am with unknown condition- getting admitted. 

The nurse took me in and put a catheter as I was on Magnesium and cannot walk for next 24 hrs. After being on Magnesium for 2 days, the doctor informed me that it was not postpartum preeclampsia, but I might have a Cerebro spinal leak because of anesthesia. So, I was suggested, I should go for a blood patch where they with draw blood from my arm and inject it directly into the epidural spot. 

In the meantime, I had the pain medicine doctor treating me for headaches and gave me injections at five spots on my head. 

All this while, I was enduring severe pain in my body, head, back and not to forget the emotional pain of being away from my kids. By this time, I have started bleeding profusely. On the day of my discharge, I had mild fever with pain in my back and heavy bleeding. I was happy to go home and be with my kids, so when I was discharged, I was just ready to go! 

Day 17- The next morning, I couldn't move as my back was hurting really bad and I was bleeding profusely. My body was squeezing my life out of it and I never understood why this was so bad. I was not even in a position to sit, and breast feed my son. Slowly, I started developing fevers and chills and my pain in the back grew enormously. 

By day 20, I had a fever of 103 and my gynaec said, I needed to go to emergency. 

When I entered the emergency, my Blood Pressure of 150+ and my fever was 106. I was immediately admitted in the ward and was being checked for COVID. I informed the doctor that I am unable to breathe as it is hurting badly in the back and that my urine is very dirty with blood and wastes. 

They immediately checked it and came back with the news that; I had developed SEPSIS. My heart dropped and I lost all hopes on my life. I knew what it means to have Sepsis just 2 weeks postpartum especially after C section. I was shifted to ICU and was treated for Sepsis for next 1 week. 

By this time, COVID cases have increased in the USA, and nobody was allowed inside the hospital for visitations. It was just me on the bed dealing with emotional, physical and psychological pain. All this while, I was pumping and dumping just to keep the supply up. And the pain from pumping during sepsis is unexplainable. 

Day 29- After a week, my infections started decreasing and I was discharged with a PICC line to receive IV antibiotics at home. I came back to my son just 1 day before his 1st month birthday and continued my treatment for next 2.5 weeks from home. 

I was glad to have my parents by my side who took utmost care of me. I was down physically, emotionally and psychologically but my kids and family kept my spirits high. I survived postpartum sepsis. 

I am still suffering the consequences of Sepsis and I haven't fully recovered. 

Icing on the cake- I was sued by the anesthesia consultants in December of 2022 for not paying $800 (which I was not even aware)! 

Sushant Singh Rajput

 

It’s been almost 2 months since Sushant Sing Rajput’s death and I have been following it from hour to hour. I wasn’t a big fan of his but deep down in my heart, I had a soft corner for him because he was just one amongst us who made it big in the battlefield. 

However, time has ceased for all of us with his sudden demise and ripples have started shaking the earth since his passing. Here are my opinions and theories on what might have happened to Sushant. 

1) Depression

He might be depressed during the time of death but not before Rhea entered his life. Until April 2019, Sushant showed no signs of depression or sadness at least according to his former cook, Bodyguard and assistant. All of whom remembered him as a jovial, full

Of life person, who believed in healthy living. However, after Rhea’s entry into his life, things have changed. He was put on some strange medication that nobody knows about and was seeking therapies and counseling. Now, any person with or without depression, if starts taking medication meant for mental illness, will definitely see the side effects. Which resulted in him sleeping for long hours, staying indoors and not wanting to interact much- all of which are corroborated by his former cook, bodyguard and assistant. 

Again, even though he might have been in depression during his death, it is very rare for anyone to kill themselves within a few months of being in depression. It takes years of being on medication, contemplation and decision to kill oneself and it is not something that happens instantly. However, even if it is proved that Sushant indeed killed himself, it could be a serious case of abbetting. 

2) Role of Rhea

Rhea and her family definitely come across as a greedy, thirsty for money kind of people. In most cases, at least parents stop their kids from using others money. However, in this case, the entire family is full of freeloaders and never hesitated to use Sushant’s money. His bank details speak out loud. 

Rhea also played a major role in brainwashing Sushant and make him believe in her choices of lifestyle. I see a serious case of stockholm syndrome and surrendering of Sushant completely to her. His note of thanking Rhea’s family is a joke. Nobody in sane mind writes such notes and especially not thank his own family!

She definitely appears to have had complete control over his life, finances, his staff and almost everything including his CA who claims to be with him from just a year!  She made him completely depend on her and in a way she overtook him. He was victimized and this happens mostly for women with men. In this case, it is the other way round. 

However, I don’t believe she wanted him dead. He is a goose who lays golden eggs and she and her family know this. They would never want him dead. She might have driven him crazy with finances, medication and control but she would never kill him. 

She should just come out clean on finances and her conspiracy and stop posting pics of water mugs and silly notes and basdless whatsapp chats. People are not stupids. Her Lawyer can come up with something that makes sense! 

3) Death

When someone commits suicide, they try to hang themselves with the help of a cloth or rope and stand on some stool or chair. However, there was no mention of any chair or stool found in his room and it is next to impossible for anyone to just stand on bed and hang oneself. Like never! One should be jumping up to reach the fan to be able to hang in this case. 

There are multiple theories regarding bruises on his body and ligature marks. However the autopsy report should be able to detail everything. 

From what we see in his report being circulated on the internet, there was no mention of any such thing. There is no mention of Petechial hemorrhages, rigor mortis and estimated time of death. 

There are many loopholes in the autopsy and right from being done in the late evening while no autopsy around the world is done after 5.30pm! 

There was no toxicology report or the report of stomach contents. If such a report can be acquired, then it tells many answers. 

3) Role of Sidharth Pithani and Deepesh

Now these two people raise many suspicions. These two are the keys to many answers. They know more than anyone and only one person can tell the truth that is Sushant! 

From calling the locksmith to ambulance to informing friends and family, there was a strategy involved and every step was taken with utmost care. However there is no perfect crime and truth shall comeout, only if we let it out. 

These two knew Sushant was going downhill and Rhea is a pawn! These two knew in and out of his life and had the opportunity to commit a nearly perfect crime without raising a suspicion. 

They could easily drug him, strangulate him and hang him. It is possible and convenient. Before they abscond, they should be grilled thoroughly.  Sidharth Pithani knows everything. 

4) Role of others- 

Mahesh Bhat, The DCP, Thackreys and Disha Salian could be interlinked through Rhea or Just present in the lives directly or indirectly. I don’t think they have any direct connection to his killing though. However, CBI will squeeze them and we will know more eventually. 

The theory of Disha’s murder and killing of Sushant appears to be far from the truth. And we should leave Sooraj Pancholi from this. His family has many other atrocities to answer. Mahesh Bhat might have tried to be a counselor to Sushant as he believes in Jiddu Krishnamurty’s philosophy of life. But he would not want him killed. 

Sandip Singh appears to be one of those people who want to be in the limelight. He claims himself to be his closest friend, but didn’t speak to him in last 10 months. It happens but very rarely like in case of Meghan Markle! But We are talking about Sushant who even answers his fans. So, it is strange that Sandip who was nowhere to be seen in last 10 months, suddenly alpears out of nowhere and handles his body. He needs to be grilled more to know his vested interest in life after death! He took charge of everything and strangely, Sushant’s family doesn’t evdn know him. Really??? He is a guy with a face of cow and a mind of monster. 

Nepotism has nothing to do in his death. Sushant was definitely ignored. But he is far more educated and has wisdom to live than thosd who breathe and dream of glittery life. Maybe he wanted a validation from the biggies and do bigger projects, byt he was more content with his life and he knew what he wanted. 

And let us leave Karan Johar, Alia, Sonam and Sonakshi. 

5) Role of Mumbai Police

From dealing with Sushant’s body to quarantining IPS officer, Mumbai police are slowly tarnishing their image for nothing. They don’t have anything to hide unless they are being told to by biggies. It is bettee to be upfront and let the case close with sincerity than protecting tadpoles like Rhea, Pithani et.al. 

These are my thoughts and opinions. I have utmost faith in the judicial system and The truth shall win. We are all waiting for the right answers. 

Update: 

Surjeet singh Rathore

This guy appeared from out of nowhere claiming to be in thd mortuary and met Rhea. Wsit what? How did he even enter thd mortuary? He said he opened the blanket on Sushant’s face and even touched his neck. Uhhh what? And guess what? He has no connection to anyone in this case. He is a representative of Karni Sena group and was there to show support to him. It’s like anyone could just go in and access Sushant’s body! Wahhh. 

Fake Police

There are lot of pics going around claiming to be the ones of actors who donned the Police dresses and were at the scene. These pics are really convincing and it appears that the Ambulance guy, the fake police were just planted there. 

I am very happy that CBI has taken over the case. It’s high time we know the truth and bring justice to Sushant. 

Miss you Sushant. 

Getting remarried

Renu Desai is engaged. 

For those who don’t know who she is, the news sounds like a regular statement of some woman getting married. 

For those who are close to her (her immediate family, friends, well wishers), she is looking at a new start, rather a restart with a happily ever after story. 

For people like me, a very happy news and a welcome change for someone of her standards who has seen it all. I am one of those women who fall into her category, aka bold, beautiful, smart, positive towards life, socially aware and yet mind our own business. 

For Pawan Kalyan fans- wait we have to divide them here. For many it’s a happy news that she’s considering a new start. But for some, she’s committing an unforgivable crime that has no victims and no repercussions. 

You see, I have a problem with this small section of people who are like that one drop of extremely dangerous poison that can kill the hope of entire society. 

Now, for those who don’t know who Renu Desai is, she’s a beautiful actress, talented director, a daring mom and just a regular woman who has a heart of a child. She’s also known as ex wife of Tollywood actor Pawan Kalyan. That’s where the entire issue haunts her. 

I follow her on Instagram and no, I don’t kfnow her in person and neither does she know I exist. But what bothers me is, for couple of days she’s posting status updates of people who are trolling/abusing/dissing her for getting engaged. Wait, isn’t her ex already married with 2 kids from the third wife? You see, Renu (I am taking the liberty to call her Renu) is still expected by these morons to stay single and never to be married. What is the valid reason?  In fact there’s none. It is what the society wants,  especially the moronic fans. 

The problem here is not her ex husband, neither is her fiancé. I am sure PK will be very happy and we need not be surprised even if he comes along to wish Renu and her fiance. You see, the problem is his certain section of fans who can’t tolerate the idea of a woman with kids getting remarried. These fans would have never spoken to their idol, but assume, expect and dictate the life of a woman who is remotely not related to them. This mentality largely exists towards many single women with kids. Our society just can’t accept that women, also need some TLC just like others and single moms are no exception. We need to change the way we look at others. We need to change the way we assume others to be. We need to change the way we want others to be. 

For last couple of days, Renu is fighting with the trolls. But it’s her profile and she has every right to allow who visits it. I feel she’s too nice to be true and to kind to exist. All she’s doing in her life  is, getting married. 

Let us all wish her a happy life ahead. Oh by the way, what she does with her life is purely her choice. 

God bless you Renu. 

Postpartum blues

I didn’t know what to except when I was being wheeled into the theater for my C Section. 10 minutes into the room, the doctor announced that Baby was out. I was blank as I listened to her crying and had no idea how to pacify a crying baby. The next 4 days at the hospital went by in a glimpse. Visitors, nurses taking care of me, medicines to keep me painfree and the attention that I received from everyone- every second. After I reached home, reality dawned upon me. My struggles with the realization started from then. My body was caved and no wonder it’s called Rebirth of woman. I was as new as my newborn just that I could express my pain and while she couldn’t.

I didn’t know what to do when she cried. Was she crying for milk? For diaper? For burp? For sleep? For boredom? Or is there something else that I am unable to find out? Every moment was stressful for me.

On top, I had to breastfeed her and pump at the same time. I hardly produced any milk (read Here), and my breasts were hurting. It was as if someone chopped them with an axe and I was each time trying to put them together to work. It was very very painful. I would sit and cry while breastfeeding and cry more while pumping. I couldn’t bear the pain.

I was sleepless and any body that goes through the process of delivering needs rest. But new moms will never get rest. I was sleep deprived and it added fuel to my already struggling body. At times, I would tell my husband that I don’t need any of this and I wished we didn’t have to go through the process of delivering. Then in few seconds, I would take the baby and apologize for saying anything like this. I never understood what was going on with me until I told my friend and she said I might be having postpartum blues. She asked me to meet with support groups and see if I can feel relieved.

My husband supported a great deal by standing behind me. He told me to just take rest and sleep and he would take care of the baby. He assured me that I am equally important and so is my health and I shouldn’t be worrying so much. He told me that he is with me in this in each step. Those words meant a lot to me. I searched for tips on how to overcome postpartum blues and followed everything.

I stayed happy. I reminded myself that this is a bliss and the pain is temporary.

I promised my husband that I will take help and won’t hesitate to seek medical advice  if I feel depressed.

I constantly reminded myself that babies have no rule book and as long as we provide them the care they need, they will grow fine. We worry unnecessarily!

I came out of postpartum blues in couple of weeks. But ladies, postpartum blues and postpartum depression is real. If you feel you are going through it, then don’t hesitate to discuss with a family member and Dont hesitate to take help from your doctor. You are not alone and you are not the only one. Don’t feel bad or guilty. It’s not happening because you did something. You have given birth and your body went through surge of emotions. So, it’s ok to cry and when you think or your family member thinks you need help, TAKE IT. Seek medical advice if necessary. If you have given birth and went through that pain, then you can definitely fight the blues out 👍🏻

Wish you a happy motherhood. Hugs and love.

Traveling with an infant

India travel! 
                                                               
Just like any other new mom, I wanted to travel to India. But my daughter was only 7 months old and I had my own concerns about traveling alone. As usual, hubby couldn’t take off for more than 3 weeks. So, either I go with him for just 3 weeks or take risk of traveling alone and stay for a longer period. I obviously opted for the latter. 

But surprisingly, my travel was smooth and I was home in less than 24 hours relaxing with my parents. Here are somethings that I did that made my travel very smooth. 

Planned packing.

Now that I have an infant with me, my priority was my daughter.   So, I focused on her stuff than mine. 

1) I packed a full formula pack and kept nearly 10 bottles handy so that I don’t have to wash them. 

2) diapers for 5 days. Yes, I packed diapers for 5 days and asked my mom to purchase a new pack in India. It saved my luggage space. We used huggies. It was easy for me to get the brand. However the sizes vary from usa to India. So I got two sizes of each and tried them. Yes, in India you can buy a single diaper!

3) Extra clothes for the baby. When we left NJ it was very very cold. But I knew it would be warm in Delhi (layover) and hot in Vijayawada (destination). So, I kept different types of clothes for her to make her feel comfortable. I changed  them according to the temperature and LO was happy 😃. 

4) Breast pump- I had to pump. So, I kept my breastpump in my carry on and pumped twice in flight in the restroom and threw away the milk. I sanitized everything and kept them  in a separate plastic bag for further cleaning. I had no choice but to pump. So, i was a bit relieved in the flight. 

5) swaddle clothes are very handy during flight journey. I used them as bedsheets in bassinet, blankets and to clean her body occasionally. 

6) gerber baby food. I bought different flavors of gerber baby food and my LO thoroughly enjoyed them. I kept couple of bananas too. 

7) medicines. I kept Tylenol, eucalyptus oil, mylicon, nasal spray handy. 

8) her favorite toys are a must. 

9) lots of sanitizing wipes

Meet your co passengers

I introduced myself to my co passengers and they were very helpful during my flight. I never gave my baby to them. But they helped me with my luggage, during boarding and deplaning and also gave me company during the flight. However I did ask them to keep an eye on my LO when she was asleep in her bassinet during my brief restroom visits only During the flight. 

Planned dressing

I carried my baby carrier and wore a cardigan with pockets. It helped me in keeping stuff handy such as milk bottles, passports, spoons, toys ets when in need. Pockets! Yes, they’re very very helpful. 

Less luggage as carryon

I ket bare minimum but essential luggage that I can lift. It was convenient for me. I had my diaper bag, my carry on suitcase and baby carrier with me. 

Sleep when baby sleeps

Babies are very fussy during flight journeys. So, it’s better to sleep when they’re sleeping. Power naps definitely help us to recharge ourselves. 

Quick meals

Now this needs some real talent. I kept my LO in bassinet and played with her while having my food at the same time. I had to gulp everything but still I managed to eat all meals and not skip as I need energy too. 

What not to do?

1) I carried an umbrella stroller with me hoping to use to in India. But there’s so much dust, pollution and heat that I never even opened it (at least in the place I stayed). And most of the times we used Uber from door to door. If I had to walk, i used my baby carrier as it will at least keep her 5 ft away from dust. 

2) Don’t give any new medicine two days before the travel. Consult pediatrician before giving anything. 

3) Don’t  warm up the babies with layers. 

4) Don’t expect them to sleep. You will only be day dreaming. 

5) Don’t Keep too many clothes as you will end up buying them anyways!

These are few of my suggestions and I wish you all a very happy travel. Bon Voyage!

The unwanted guest called - Gestational Diabetes

I Gulped the sweetest water ever , had my bowl of cereal and toast and drove to the doctor’s office for my 1 hour glucose test. I was very very confident that I wouldn’t have any gestational diabetes as I never ate even a grain of rice in last 10 months, never ate sweets, chocolates, ice creams.. literally nothing because I was never fond of them. However, the next day, my Obgyn called and told me that I am very much diabetic and need not come for my 3 hour test but need to see Maternal fetal specialist as soon as possible. The next few days were stressful in making appointments with MFM, buying a test kit and wondering if I can eat anything or not and eternal search on understanding what gestational diabetes is and why I have it?

I am a very healthy eater. I never eat junk/rice/sweets, never drink sodas, sweet drinks. But how on earth can I have GD? After I met with the dietician as per my obgyn’s order, I came back home crying in the car as I was very stressed out from what I heard in the sessions. I have to check every bit of calories/sugars/proteins/carbs that I eat. I didn’t know what they all were. I have to test everyday multiple times and send in the reports. 

My journey with GD started from that day. Poking my fingers 4-5 times a day. Checking every piece of food that I eat. Wondering what went wrong when my sugar levels fluctuated. It was very exhausting initially for a month. To top it all, I was both hypoglycemic and hyperglycemic. So, anything that I ate either shot my sugars to nearly 200 or dropped below 45. It was very very stressful every single day with every single meal. I was put on pills as my sugar levels were not in the range. 

Then I realized, that GD is something that didn’t happen to me because I did something or will not go away even if I do something. It can happen to anyone irrespective of family history. None in my family ever had/have diabetes. 

I am not over weight. Instead I lost lots of weight due to healthy diet before pregnancy. 

I am a very good and responsible eater. 

But still GD happened! 

So, I was put on pills to regulate my sugar levels and I maintained a very well balanced diet for the rest of my pregnancy. It took me many trial and error methods to figure out what I can eat and what not. How much I can eat and when. Being an Indian, it is tough to figure out the calorie/carb levels in my food. For instance, if I ate 3 idlies, my sugar levels went upto 150+. But if I made a pancake out of idly batter, they were within the range. I gave in for cravings once in a while and sacrificed other food to maintain the sugar levels. The ordeal was real. 

Downside of GD is, I was nervous all throughout to take any bite and wondered what will happen to my baby. 

Upside of GD is, I ate a very controlled diet and didn’t gain any weight. However, the weight of the baby was fine towards the end of the pregnancy. 

But strangely, my GD went away the moment I delivered. I was told it’s all the placenta that does the trick. 

So, ladies, if you have GD, Dont get stressed. You haven’t done anything for it to happen to you and you can’t do anything for it to go away. Just maintain a healthy diet and follow your obgyn/dietician plan. After you deliver, you will forget everything that you went through. 

Hugs and love. 

The myth on producing breast milk

Now that my baby is 8 months old and I am officially eligible to have some wine without having to wait for any intervals, I have decided to break the myth on producing breast milk. 

I am a 100% supporter of giving babies breast milk. Having said that, I do not vouch for completely relying on breast feeding. To start with, I had C section as our daughter was breech. After delivery, I couldn’t produce any milk until day 3. So, we had to give our daughter formula. It was obvious that we couldn’t starve her to give her exclusive breast milk. 

After the lactation consultant came in and checked me, she said I had to use nipple shields. And she asked me to pump every 3rd hour to produce more milk. And I did it. 

But I was as dry as a well in a desert. For the first week, I could pump only 5 ml per session and it wasn’t enough for the baby. When I tried to breast feed, she would wake up crying for milk within half an hour. So, we figured, we had to rely on formula milk. I was pro formula too. There’s no harm in feeding babies formula milk when necessary. 

What mothers want to feed their babies is their choice. No mother wants to harm her child. And it’s her call completely. 

Whoever visited our house had to throw their two cents on how I should be feeding my daughter breast milk. I was already depressed about me being dry and this was nothing but adding fuel to my dryness! However, I took it positively and tried everything to increase my supply. 

There was a point where I used to gulp methi seeds. Take 6 pills per day to increase supply. Pump every 3-4 hours. Breastfeed every 2nd hour. Drink 5 glasses of milk. Eat very healthy food. 

Result- still had to give her formula milk because my supply was less. I used to cry my heart out and never understood why I couldn’t produce milk. I should thank my husband in this who supported me throughout. I realized that Certain bodies are different and no matter what we do, we cannot increase the supply. 

Sometimes I felt guilty and sometimes I brushed it off. It was a mix of emotions for me. But then, as a mother, I did my best to feed my daughter the healthiest of the food. 

Now, she’s 8 months old and my supply is completely stopped. Whenever people see me feeding her from bottle, they ask me why I am not breastfeeding her. When I tell them, I can’t, they tell me how women produce milk for 2 years and how I should eat healthy and continue breastfeeding her. All I do is just smile and tell them I am different. I don’t feel bad or blame them. I just feel they’re trying to help me. But there’s nothing I can do about it. 

So, my post is for those who are unable to produce milk- don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel sad. You are a mother and you will definitely give your kid the best life. 

It is good to give your kid at least some amount of breast milk as long as possible. But there’s no harm in feeding formula. And if your kid is not latching or if you have any doubts that you are producing less milk or your kid is not having enough milk per feeding, pump and feed. Whether it is latching or pumping, giving your milk is important, not how you feed. At the end, you know it well. 

And my heartfelt Salute to those moms who dedicate themselves to breastfeed. 

This blog is purely based on my experience and is completely my opinion. 

What should we learn from RIO 2016?

Ethiopia is a small country in the African Continent. The area of Ethiopia is somewhere around 426,371 sq.mi where as India is 1,269,346 sq.mi...precisely double the size of Ethiopia. Now coming to the population, by 2015, the population of Ethiopia is 99,465,819 and India by 2016 is 1,293,057,000 (source: Wikipedia). 

Let' stop there. Making it to the team of Olympics in such highly populated nation like India is really tough, considering the competition that one needs to face. But let us focus on the economics of the two countries. The nominal GDP per capita of Ethiopia is $739 and India is $1820, which again makes India higher in the number. 

Let us see the sports budget for each nation- Ethiopia has a proposed budget of $11 billion for the FY 2015-16 (read here). For India, the proposed sports budget is 1592 Crores (Rs) which is $15.92 billion (read here). So, when compared to this small nation of African continent, we are above in everything including the GDP, budget allocation for sports and you name it, we got it in our country. 

But, what makes me sad is, Ethiopia sent 34 players and out of whom, 8 scored medals and their total medal points is 12.

where as India sent 118 players and scored 2 medals with a total medal points of 3. 118 players means, the perfect team to set the records straight. But 2 medals?

WHY? WHERE did we go WRONG? 

I will not blame the players here. Because, the players shed their sweat and tried their level best to make it to the top. We have witnessed it in the games and we can't sit behind the computer or the television and blame them for not making it to the finals. 

But who is at the fault? I say the system. At least in my perspective, I was always told that education is the way to make it to the top. Whether I played or not, nobody cared. Whether I wanted to be in the arts or not, nobody cared. Whether I received good marks in the subjects or not, everybody cared.

Parents, school and the peer pressure, everybody is responsible. We brainwash the kids that education is important but never do we tell them to achieve in the field of their pursuit or interest. We fail to realise that even sports is a form of education. Excelling in physics or mathematics or tennis or music is the same. Not just excelling...at least pursuing interest itself is more important. Not everyone can be a topper. But if the students are given proper encouragement or guidance, India can produce excellent sportspersons.

When small nations like Ethiopia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Colombia, Jamaica and others can produce sportspersons and achievers, why not India?

We have abundant resources, freedom, democracy, liberation and every possible means to pursue what we want. When we look at the crisis of other nations, we should be thankful to be residing in a nation that gives us the freedom that we deserve. But in each Olympics, our hopes diminish. 

Every time, we make this resolution to build stadiums or playgrounds and provide platforms to the kids and by the year end, everything becomes a paper trail and vanishes in the shredders. 

Seldom do we see those stadiums becoming real. Let us just reflect on this and see what we can do to represent ourselves at least in the next olympics. 

My many congratulations to the winners and let us produce more players and winners.