Just a few
months ago, I looked at mirror and saw that beautiful face with glow. “Are you ready?” asked my mom whom my dad and
sister accompanied. Yes. I replied to all and most importantly to myself. I am
ready. Ready for marriage. Ready for a life ahead with a man whom I know for
less than few months. Ready for a life in a different country. Ready for
everything that is going to happen from now on. I opened the door and walked
into the wedding hall.
“Surprise”
shouted my friends who worked their way to get into my house and decorate it
for my birthday three years ago. I had many such pleasant birthdays
and was earning enough to throw small size parties once in a while. I had friends who would never forget to surprise me
on my birthdays and get me tickets for the movies and more importantly bear my
PMS tantrums. My paychecks were not fat, but neither were they anorexic. They had perfect BMI to pay my bills
and buy me Oh-I-love-this-dress. My weekends were packed with trips to near by
tourist spots and lunches and dinners and parties in India. I was always on the
move with my tiny little two-wheeler that accompanied me everywhere I went. I
was always surrounded by people and could listen to the whistling of rice
cookers even at 11 pm.
But, now, I am
all by myself. I can’t go out because it
is cold outside. Cold that I experienced only when I opened refrigerators.
Where am I now? What I am supposed to do? Do I need this forced break from my
hectic schedules? Can I go out on my own? Do I have money to fulfill my sweet
nothings? Where are my friends?
I am in the USA,
which is a dream for many youngsters. A free nation that lets everyone live the
way they wish to. But do I really need this unwanted freedom? Am I blessed or
cursed? My VISA status doesn’t allow me to work. I am sadly called as a “dependent”
and that is what my Visa says. Yes, for someone who comes as a spouse to
someone with working visa is called as dependent. And that is what I am right
now.
When my parents
were looking for a groom for me, I was hell bent on not getting married to
someone who lives out of my city. No. Never. I have everything I want. So, why
will I leave all and move? Never-ever. But here I am in the United States of
America.
It all happened
when I met this guy. Got swept off my feet. Parents liked us. Wedding date
fixed. Got married. Boom. In a whirlwind of actions that happened in less than
a month, I am in the other part of the world. My husband left for US before me
as he couldn’t take leave from his work for longer period. I was by myself to
travel into a country just to be with a stranger whom I just got married to.
As I came out of
the airport, my husband received me with a bunch of flowers and gave me coat,
hat, gloves and asked me to cover up completely. As we started heading back to
home, I asked my husband, why I don’t see any people on the roads.
It is very
common in India to see people crossing roads everywhere. Chances are, you might
even hit a man or a vehicle once a week. They move so close that you can
literally shake hands while driving. Stray dogs, cattle, vendors, people
fighting over petty things, people honking impatiently, two-wheeler riders
wheeling their way from the gaps are the most common sights that one can
witness on the roads.
But what am I
seeing here? Nothing. No people, no cattle, no honks, no noise. Everything is
silent and calm. My husband laughed and told me, that no one walks here on the
roads. Really? It came as a shocker to me. The very first shock I got was that
I couldn’t see people. That means, I need to make friends or go out to meet
people. Or may be live in virtual world.
In real world, I
heard many of my friends saying that they are jealous of my routine. My usual
routine goes something like this. Wake up in the morning whenever I want. Make
coffee. Have breakfast without hunger. Browse through movies to catch up with
the ones I missed. Chat with friends online and silently cry. Call family and
give them live coverage about the weather, movies, and menu and just about
everything. Eat lunch just to not feel hungry. Wait for husband to come so that
I can see some real faces in my life. Prepare dinner just because I have to.
Eat dinner to increase my bloating. Watch movies again and again and again. And
Go to bed just to wake up the next day aimlessly.
“When are you
going to have kids? You are free now. You should have kids and use this time”, came
an elderly suggestion from families and friends. Why do they think that I
should procreate in the free time? I am free because I don’t have a choice. Not
because I chose to.
“Go to the mall
and spend time. Do some shopping”, suggested many of my friends who think they
hardly get time to shop, as they are busy with work. Why should I shop? When
should I wear those clothes? How will I go there? Whose money will I spend?
There are many unanswered questions.
“I get so frustrated,” says a friend, who
also moved to the USA after getting married. “I can’t work. But this is how it
is going to be”, she grins. My friend is one of the thousands of brides, who
immigrate to this country after getting married.
I came to
senses. I love this man. But do I really love my life? The answer is yes and no.
I love being a married woman. I love being the wife of my husband. But I hate
the very thought that I cannot work and earn my own bread.
“Would you like
to try chicken sandwich along with bread bowl and soup?” asked the waitress.
“No thanks, I am a vegetarian”, I replied. “Oh honey. You don’t have much
choice”, she said with empathy.
Yes, I don’t
have much choice. I am a just a veggie sandwich stuck for life between two
worlds.
